Getting thanks for something can really make a big difference. All someone had to say was "thanks for this week". This really was a tough week for me. Ups and downs all over the place. Stress, then having tons of fun. A friggin' weird schedule. All rolled together in one package. This week though, I got back in touch with two people whom I've been missing for a while. Last time Charlie was like "ok talk to you in 8 months then". That made me sad. But for some reason, it kinda ends up like that oddly enough. Adam came back to me. haha. Well he came back online. Always good to hear that he's enjoying life...his little sister has been very nice to me too. More hugs for Kim. Hopefully I'll see Jackie tonight at Mallory's. I miss Jax. Going to orchestra without her by my side....it's so sad. But I'm on to better days. Melissa is my partner in crime now. Just wait and see.

Friday was the dive n dine. I had fun and forgot how good of a movie Ferris Beuler's Day Off was. Saturday was the same old same old. Chinese school, and then SDYS. But afterwards I went over to Angela's. Meg came to pick me up. I just thought about it, and if you put our names together in a group, we sound like a group of valley boppy girls. Megan Angela and Kim. MAK. Can't beat that. So yeah, Meg and I raved in my room for a little. [We're not crazy I swear] What happenned was I was cleaning up, and found some glow sticks, so we openned em, turned off the lights, and partied for a little. But when we went to Angela's her little cousins took em all, as I had expected. We had a DDR tournament, and Angela got kissed by two of the prettiest girls:: Me and Meg. I hope I get a copy of that picture. Angela is 17 now...we are still waiting for Megan though. I hate being the oldest. Sunday, I went to LA for some sort of Awards Ceremony, and came back 100 dollars richer. My lil bro was like: You wanna donate to the "get an amplifier for needy little brothers fund?" Right after that, there was a smack upside the head and a "heck no". It's going in the "buy Kim a nice prom dress fund".

Today was "interesting". I woke up late, and it felt way weird. Because it was a lab day and a monday...I was really lost. At break I thought I knew where i was going. Brit lit...with Currie. Then I started to second guess myself, and I was like, wait I'm supposed to go to Matson's for Calc. Yeah...talk about a headache. I wish things would just become routine for me at one point, but it never happens.

I might say this over and over again in this thing, but kids are so fun. I love hanging out with them. I just found out today that Jo-Jo has been working at ESS too, but at Sundance. She started on the first day of school just like me. Man...who woulda knew? I miss that girl. She lives right across the street practically, and we barely ever talk anymore.

I went to school today just for 6th period to take the test. That way I didn't miss a whole day of school, and i only have to make up one test instead of two. I gotta study hard now. After class, I got walked to work....aww...how sweet. Funny how you start to miss someone just because you didn't get to say "hi" in a while. Everyone is getting sick...I can't wait until winter hits though. I like summer and winter, it's those transitional times that really suck. Actually I like summer a lot, but when you have school and can't go to the beach it 's torture. It's like the beach is calling to you, but you have no car, can't drive, and have to time. Plus no one wants to go with you. Unless their name is Tesia...cuz she loves me. [just check out my papers from APES...omg. It says "I <3 Kim Yu" all over the place] The whole Kim Yu-Ho thing has gotten out of hand. haha. Even Mr Dorr made fun of me, and told Mr. Miles. Scary. You know what else is scary?? I can't stop sneezing!!! Help me. i need to take something that will stop my sneezing. It's nice to have people say "bless you" when you do, but when you end up hearing it 5 times in one minute...it begins to sound more like a curse. "bless you..Bless you...BLESS you...BLESS YOU!!!" yeah like that..sorta.

I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it. But i'm sure that tomorrow at school, I'll be fine again. All this crap that happens just kinda gets hidden in a pile of garbage inside of me...naturally wearing thin and decomposing on its own. Little things, like telling your daughter that she needs to lose weight. Ok maybe I might not be the skinniest person in the world, but I'm ok with the way I am. What ever happenned to loving a person for how beautiful they are inside?? I'm healthy. I might have some "cushioning" but it's really not that bad.

The entry about the whole "brutally honest" thing has come back to haunt me. I really thought that some conscious change would make a difference. But crap. I'm a horrible person. I snap at things that I shouldn't snap at. I let things bug me that shouldn't bug me. I say things that I shouldn't say. I'm like a cup that really full of water, and so the littlest drop of water or shake of the table makes me spill out over the edge. Most people probably aren't as full as me maybe. That might be why I seem so edgy lately. I need to pour some of this crap out.

Hanging out with friends sometimes is like doing drugs. You tend to forget the problems that you have and just let lose without a care in the world. Sometimes coming home and dealing with the issues feels like being sober. I'm not saying I'm addicted to hanging out with my friends, but that may be why I don't really show all that much of this stuff when I'm around them.

I'd love to get along with my brother. He's so awesomely cool. But we argue a lot. We are both stubborn, and I'm not that great of an older sister. Sometimes I wish I was an older brother, just so he'd look up to me a little more. For my mom. I wanna be that perfect daughter she can tell all her friends about. For my dad, I want to be mature and responsible. Show him how much I can do, and show him that he can be proud of me. I should stop talking and just do it. I know I should live my life according to how I should live it. But if i'm just going to be stubborn and close-minded about what these people are saying to me, then I'll never learn or grow into anything better than what I am now. The medicine tastes bitter, but I'm praying that it will do good.

Ah..I'm gonna cry. I don't wanna be depressed really...I don't.

Another location....Should I move to the xanga site? hm...I feel like I have divorced parents and I have clothes and living things at two houses. xanga vs blog. The battle. la_femme_kimita eh..It makes no difference to me.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." ~Mommy Teresa

This entry is inspired by a letter that I got from my good old buddy John Gallagher [the man with all the courage in the world...according to his name] and the hand written letter in the mail that I got from Adam Nuhaily [my shoe-shopping buddy]. I just finished reading lullaby last night. Way big twist on the brain, but the main thing that they talked about was that the only way to forget the big picture is to concentrate on the details. For some reason though, that makes me think about the big picture way more. My dad always told me about his whole theory about the universe and time and the part that we play in it. I might have already talked about this earlier, but I feel that I need to repeat myself so that I can remind myself about how lucky I am to know these people. First think about the universe. Think really hard...it's beyond huge. It's like crazy. So the earth is a tiny part of that, then the US is an even smaller part of that small part, and then California is an even smaller part....you get the picture. So we're standing on this tiny miniscule spot in space. Now think about the span of time. Since the beginning of time. Now that's even scarier. It just goes on and on...behind us and ahead of us. And our lives take up a tiny tiny part of that. If God has the power to just stick us anywhere, or if you don't believe in God we'll say chance has that power. Because that's it. Chance. Chance is what we depend on to be in the same place at the same time as all the people we now share our lives with. Imagine if out of the luck of the draw, you never met your soul mate, or never met that one person who inspires you to do what you love in life. The other possibilities are endless. But what we have is now and here. These people that we share our lives with everyday. And yet there are those who want to hurt, kill, or just plain hate some of the people in their lives. Feel blessed that you are with them, and that you've even gotten the chance to have had your paths cross. Some might be a little different than you [*cough*john*cough*...i wonder if he reads this], and others may be the perfect match. But when it comes down to it, it's a miracle that you even met....so yes child, you are blessed. Mommy Teresa says so.

Ice Packs. The One-Size-Fits-All Remedy.

I was about to start this post with a "ranting" on how much all this junk that I have to do, really gets me down sometimes. But when it comes down to it. It's worth it in the end. I struggle for a while, and in the end, either I look back and did a good job, or I could have done better. I'm gonna try not to complain so much. I'll just suck it up. So if I work my tail off now, and do things right the first and only chance I get to do it, then I can look back and feel like I've accomplished something significant. Life is a process of growing, learning, changing, and most of all loving. The day when I stop learning and growing [not physically...i gave up on that a while ago] is the day when I will be ready to die. Funny how our persepctive on life really changes throughout a day. One second I'm thinking about how much stuff I still have to do, and the next I'm thinking about how much my shoulders hurt because of the shots that i got today. I shall be fine in no time. They usually don't hurt this much. I think I'll just get some ice. Too bad an ice pack can't solve all of your problems...too bad.

so much to think about. It's great when people are brutally honest with you, but the word brutal seems to stick out in my mind a lot more than honest. It's like medicine that's hard to swallow. In the end it'll be good for you, but while it's going down your throat it hurts like a mofo. It burns your insides and it makes your stomach upset. But you have to hold it down, and take it in. Eventually it will cure the stuff that's been inside of you for so long. Let's just say I feel like i'm burning inside sometimes...scary how well I can hide things though when I try. I get too tired to deal with explaining it. The problem is about me and myself, so I don't really feel like I need to explain to the world. So if I seem like I'm kind of impatient with dealing with helping you with your issues, or with explaining myself, its because of this stuff that has been brought to my attention. I don't feel like all that great of a person, and so I realized that maybe I'm not the one that should be giving advice on anything.

Sour Cream Potato Chips

Experts in ancient Greek culture say that people back then didn't see their thoughts as belonging to them. When ancient Greeks had a thought, it occured to them as a god or goddess giving an order. Apollo was telling them to be brave. Athena was telling them to fall in love.

Now people hear a commercial for sour cream potato chips and rush out to buy, but now they call this free will.

At least the Greeks were being honest.

Think about it.

That was from Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk [I honestly don't have any idea how to say that], the same guy who wrote Fight Club. The movie according to Jon Yip is..."so TIGHT!" It's a good book to say the least. Tesia [that one I can pronounce] let me read it. She's such a sweetie pie, but forbids me to talk to a certain individual she thinks is hot, for fear that the cute little asian girl will steal him away. Those were her words though, not mine. I don't really consider myself a "cute little asian girl"...but hey, who's to argue with Tesia? jk. I still cannot believe she told mr. Dorr about me marrying Chris Ho, and possibly becoming Mrs. Kim Yu-Ho. I'm gonna need help in that class. BTW my backyard smells really bad because of the holdfast that I have to dry in my backyard because of that class.

I had a post talking about the sleepover...with the ed norton, the "i am woman hear me roar", megan's butt is a lethal weapon, talking to inanimate objects [black mail to be specific], tellling riddles that have no answers, knocking people in the head while sleeping, and oh yeah STEAM ROLLERS!!! But i'd rather not go into all that right now. I have auditions tomorrow, but I've been inspired to write...well more like I want to procrastinate more. I've been a little tired. Wondering what the point of all this is....sometimes. I guess it's for the memories. Sometimes (this might sound weird but..) I wish that I knew no one. I wish that I was one of those loner kids who never had to deal with people and relationships with people. It's like this:: high school is kind of like a mini-society, and so everyone is connected or intertwined somehow into something like a web. If you are apart of this web, then one thing that happens anywhere near you [meaning the people that you know or care about] it affects you even if it is from far away. Sometimes I want to hide in my little shell, then I realize why I love my friends so much.