I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it. But i'm sure that tomorrow at school, I'll be fine again. All this crap that happens just kinda gets hidden in a pile of garbage inside of me...naturally wearing thin and decomposing on its own. Little things, like telling your daughter that she needs to lose weight. Ok maybe I might not be the skinniest person in the world, but I'm ok with the way I am. What ever happenned to loving a person for how beautiful they are inside?? I'm healthy. I might have some "cushioning" but it's really not that bad.

The entry about the whole "brutally honest" thing has come back to haunt me. I really thought that some conscious change would make a difference. But crap. I'm a horrible person. I snap at things that I shouldn't snap at. I let things bug me that shouldn't bug me. I say things that I shouldn't say. I'm like a cup that really full of water, and so the littlest drop of water or shake of the table makes me spill out over the edge. Most people probably aren't as full as me maybe. That might be why I seem so edgy lately. I need to pour some of this crap out.

Hanging out with friends sometimes is like doing drugs. You tend to forget the problems that you have and just let lose without a care in the world. Sometimes coming home and dealing with the issues feels like being sober. I'm not saying I'm addicted to hanging out with my friends, but that may be why I don't really show all that much of this stuff when I'm around them.

I'd love to get along with my brother. He's so awesomely cool. But we argue a lot. We are both stubborn, and I'm not that great of an older sister. Sometimes I wish I was an older brother, just so he'd look up to me a little more. For my mom. I wanna be that perfect daughter she can tell all her friends about. For my dad, I want to be mature and responsible. Show him how much I can do, and show him that he can be proud of me. I should stop talking and just do it. I know I should live my life according to how I should live it. But if i'm just going to be stubborn and close-minded about what these people are saying to me, then I'll never learn or grow into anything better than what I am now. The medicine tastes bitter, but I'm praying that it will do good.