Do you ever get the feeling like you are digging into the ground trying to make this huge hole. And all the while you think you are accomplishing something...but are you really? Yeah.

Sometimes it's like that I guess. Sharpen the saw. Whatever that's supposed to mean.

I hate it...I strongly dislike it when I get affected by other people's negativity. It's so much easier to be brought down by negativity than to be inspired by someone's positive attitude. That's why people cross the line so much and go over to the "dark side", lose faith or hope and all that good stuff.

Have fun these next couple of weeks kids.

Slide

If we were to put all your memories into these snap shots and short clips of your life, how long would it be? Really. All of your memories, your events in your life. The moments that touch you, the moments that break you, and the moments where your stomach cramps because you're laughing too hard.

If you died this instant?? Your little slide show that consists of your life, and in some ways is your whole entired life: what would it be about? Life really is about a minute long if you think about it. The only moments that really matter are those that are essential to us. The events that really impact us are the ones that change and mold us into who we are today. If time really isn't constant...then how hard would it be to contain 70 years worth of living into 70 seconds of memories or less?

"Once upon a time
the sun rose and set in perfect time with the melody of the birds
daffodils twirled under the arm of the wind

your voice welcomed the dawn
'drink up the rays' you said as you held out your hand
and in your palm I placed my heart

your voice calmed the dusk
'let go' you said as you held out your arms
and in your embrace I placed my soul

Once upon a time
the moon rose and set in perfect time with the cradling waves
renewing the sand with every gentle caress
Once upon a time."

~ Anonymous

Fairy tales are much more fun. Don't you think so?

So it was a bad week...

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines." by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ups and downs. What would it be like without them? Not very fun. Sorta like walking through an amusement park and choosing to go on that insanely boring ride.

At CAPP, we went on a ride with the advisors called "The Time Machine" or other, and it was sooo slow I didn't understand why there was a bar holding us in. Perhaps to make sure that we don't step off the ride and walk around the room they had us in. There was even a really long pause where they gave us a lecture on dinosaurs, then warned us before the ride was going to start again. I figured it was a good time to catch up on the sleep I was missing.

Good memories though. A lesson learned from that trip...always make sure your hotel room is completely closed. Trust me. It's muy importante.

Disintegration

The anguish you feel when you hurt someone without the intent of doing so is...it's painful.

Thank goodness it's raining.

I'm trying, I really am. I don't know what else to do. No matter what I say. Actions speak louder than words right? Right. It's like I'm killing myself over something I wish I could change. Saying "I'm sorry" is just as good as saying "I told you so". Too late...too bad so sad. [Tell me about it] How can I expect anything other than..."i don't forgive you".

Everything is my choice right? Then why does it feel like I'm just apart of the system. Going through the motions.

I've tied myself to 5 different horses each running in a different direction, and each pulling on a limb, and the last one tied to my heart. I think I'm gonna fall apart. The strength that it takes sometimes to keep myself together hurts. I'm losing circulation and I'm going numb. It's like disintegrating from the inside out. I wonder if I'll melt like the wicked witch of the west, cuz that's what I am.