Strange thing is that I would rather chose an empty life if it were easier.

and yet I can't make myself do it.

So close...yet so out of reach.

Sometimes I think it's gone, and I've missed my moment forever.

Sometimes I wish someone could point out the direction I should be going in. It's hard because I just honestly wish sometimes that life could be like the ride at disneyland where you feel like you are steering the ride but in actuality, you are riding on a track the whole time. You are always going in the direction you are "supposed" to be going in.

If only things were simpler. I always try to simplify things in life, and it's just impossible. There are so many variables flying around that it's difficult to stop and concentrate on one aspect of your life without tying in all the other millions of things to be taken into condsideration. Then all these tags like: What if? What should? Why? How?, come along with these variables and just complicate them more.

"things fall apart" (an amazing book with an amazing title) just makes me wonder about the way things go and the way things are meant to be. I mean, I know that "things happen for a reason" and everything in life seems to hold meaning if you think about it long enough. But this FREE WILL that we have, this is what makes things interesting. Each moment in life is affected by your choice and each moment following is in turn followed by another choice.

Life isn't one of those choose-the-ending-of-the-story novels where you can just say: "oh dude, this ending totally sucks" and just flip the pages back and start all over again.

Now my head hurts.