I wish I could forget a lot of things. Strengths can easily become flaws. Remembering everything that happens, often becomes a grudge that I hold against myself. How weird and stupid is that?

I don't know what's wrong. It seems like almost everything feels wrong. It's like there's this whole that hasn't been filled. I feel as if I'm too dependent on others that I care about. Too dependent on what they think of me, how they feel about what I do, who I am. This fear of abandonment makes me feel so helpless that I want to always feel needed or wanted...well atleast appreciated by those who I love the most.

Then I have this problem of remembering every wrong a person has done to me. I forgive, but I can't forget. Now why the heck would anyone want to do that to themselves? Why can't I just forget? I start to live in my memories instead of in the present, and that's just pointless. I mean I often get into my memories so much, that those same feelings come right back. It's like I'm watching a movie, and no matter how many times I've seen it, I relive it each time.

There's good and bad memories though. I guess lately I've just been choosing the wrong ones to focus on.