Spick and Span

Cleaning can be really therapeutic. My idea of home has changed in the last couple of months. It's sort of hard to explain my thought process and emotional metamorphosis. I've decided that putting more into something should mean that you get more out of it. Good or bad, it's still something. Saying that makes me sound all high and mighty, I know, but I'm not saying that I had some sort of amazing moment when everything turned around for me. In fact, I'm still in the process of figuring things out.

There are tons of people around me that i can take in from, and yet I only choose to let a handful of them into my tiny strange world. Letting them in involves huge risk. Sometimes, I let people in, only to find that I have to push them out again later. But with family, you can't do that. You were born with them in your strange world, and you in their strange world. It's a heartbreaking yet wonderful thing at the same time. It puts all of you in the position to rip each other to shreds while at the same time being able to save each other's lives. You feel as if you can't live without them and as if you can disregard them [and their feelings] at any moment.

My grandma once told me that her children were like the fingers on her hand. Although they differ in length, it hurts just the same if you bite any of them. Every relative and family member is different. It often feels as if one person may deserve more love than the other, or that you deserve more love than someone else does. But in the end, family is family. You are connected by blood and through your ability to let one another into your own strange world and be brutally honest or just plain brutal to each other.